Confidence is Silent, Insecurities Are Loud

Throughout education and in the work place we are encouraged to be opinion shares, to collaborate with others and to put forward our ideas. For some this concept comes entirely naturally and for others it takes a little more work and understanding. Though I don’t claim to be a psychologist, I aim to share my experiences on this matter.

As a Masters student I fear I come across a little intimidating in group discussions especially to undergraduate students. In a classroom environment I’m pretty loud, happy to share my thoughts and argue any topic just for the joy of debate. On the surface each of these things scream confidence, the truth is that this is an attribute in which I’m lacking.

From observing several of my peers over the years, the class clowns, the ones that come in drunk, (pretty common in first year of Media Studies) and those that walk in and seem to be able to quote every theorist you could imagine, I think I’ve been fortunate enough to establish what makes these people tick. Each of these characters come off intimidating when you’re a little quiet but the truth is (in my experience) they’re probably the most conscious people in the room, for whatever reason they’ve come to the realisation they need to project this persona.

I was shy throughout school, always choosing to sit with the quiet girls, with the neat Paperchase pencil cases and unnecessarily large Umbro back pack (you know the ones). They’re lovely people and each one usually has a lot to add to discussions but fears the reaction, I know I was. Any classroom featuring the ‘cool kids’ I would sit in utter silence, not because they were unkind but because I saw them as different to me. This shyness led to a report that I’m sure many have received:

“Naomi is a lovely girl but needs to contribute more in lessons”

Like clockwork, every parents evening this would be written by my teachers. It became pretty tedious but I never adjusted my behaviour in any way. This changed drastically in my first year at university, alongside a new location comes a host of new people that know nothing about you. Somehow entirely by chance I was put in a group with 3 people that encompassed the characteristics I mentioned earlier, the confidence they excused was off the scale. I soon developed pretty close relationships with these individuals, something I felt I was unable to do in school. And almost overnight I discovered that each one was just like me. The stark difference between these people and I was merely what they chose to convey to the rest of the world.

Almost over night my view of the world changed, whether at the time this was a conscious realisation I couldn’t tell you. My behaviour certainly did change, I started adding to discussions and arguing points with those in my smaller groups and eventually grew to speak out in larger group settings. I cannot promise a magic trick for gaining confidence, I still haven’t quite got it myself. What I can say however, whether in a school setting or if these issues still exist in the work place, look around and understand that those people who seem so confident are probably just as afraid, simply faking it.

My career goal is to work in advertising. This is career path in which speaking out is necessary to the job, unless you want to be tasked with making the tea. I would be lying if I said this doesn’t scare me, it really does... But I’m not going to let anybody know that.

The ‘confident’ people I got to know during my degree genuinely inspired me and taught me so much, and I’ll be faking it like them for as long as it takes.

In sum, confidence is silent, insecurities are loud. Remember this before making assumptions about the drunkard, the class clown and the human history book.

(And if you need an example the Breakfast club is a pretty good start)